WEIGHTFATSKINNY!? When is enough, enough?

Disclaimer: This is much different post than what I usually do at HereForThePretty! I’m talking about my real life experiences in this post–it’s pretty emotional, so if you have no desire to hear what I have to say, please don’t read on. I want to give my opinion but I also don’t want to upset anyone. Thank you for your time and I hope you keep reading.


Okay, so you have heard this all too many times. But, I just have to put in my two cents. I am not going to point fingers. I am not going to say this is absolutely right or wrong. I just want you to listen to my story and hope you can learn from my mistakes because I wish I someone had convinced me that being fat or skinny has no indication if you are healthy and a happy person. Seems like common sense, but not to the unknowing youth.

Growing up with this distorted image of beauty was tough on me and nowadays it’s even harder for the younger generations to deal with. Social media makes it all to easy for information to spread. People talk and social media just encourages it. But, it’s definitely not the fault of these technological advances; but, of those who use them. I implore you not to be mean to others online! You make think that just because you can’t see them or know them, you can just say whatever that comes to mind. It’s horrible vicious cycle that’s considerably unnecessary! It’s oldie but a goodie, “Treat others, the way you wish to be treated.”

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

I have extreme respect and admiration for Maya Angelou. She’s extremely wise, elegant and graceful woman. In an old interview with Oprah, she said the very quote above and it really hit me straight in the heart. Countless memories flooded my entire being; All I could hear was the negative comments I’ve heard from “friends”, classmates, people I’ve had just met and yes, my own family, that made me feel ever so miserable. Not the best experience, but is she is very right, I may have not remembered exactly what was said, but that feeling never leaves you.

I grew up in an Asian household, where weight is a constant reminder. I’m sure it’s like that it a lot of cultures but this just my POV. Looking back at my childhood photos, I saw a girl that was much different than the girl that is reaching out to you today. She was skinny, she was happy and carefree. She was skinny. But, it was never enough. As I grew up, becoming a woman, my weight began to shift and I was no longer that skinny girl. I was too fat. But, I never felt fat. Until, I reached high school and gained a lot weight. I was extremely unhappy and that tiny girl from my past was no more. I hated myself, truly and utterly hated myself. I wasn’t beautiful and everyone else around me–was. It was the hardest time of my life and I still haven’t completely conquered those fears. I see myself in a lot of the girls of today. Some of these girls are close friends to me and it pains me to see them like this. When is it enough? Maybe, it never will be. Never is a strong word. But, as a great man said,

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Hopefully, you read this and not just write it off as some insignificant blimp because no one should have to through this pain. Being fat, feeling worthless is horrible and it sucks. But, why is being skinny, looking great, yet being horribly unhealthy any better?! There has to be some sort of moderation, a middle ground, the happy medium! But, I didn’t know that and I didn’t care. I wanted to be skinny and I wanted to look beautiful to the world. It was a constant thing, played over and over, every single day. Flashback to a typical day, during lunch period in middle school, my classmates would sit chattering away happily in a circle, enjoying their lunches. While my fellow classmate and myself, hardly snagged a bite. My lunch sat cozy in my napsack and for days on end they remained. I didn’t eat much of anything during those adolescent years and thinking about it now, what a waste of good food! ^^;;;;;;;

Fast forward several years later and that girl has grown up. I still get the urges not to eat and starve myself. I don’t typically give in to the urges, because I know I’m only hurting myself. But let’s be real, I’m not perfect and everyone has these thoughts, even men! But, the fact that I let the younger self degrade herself like that makes me think, “Why, would I ever do that in the first place?” Now that I am much older, I finally faced the fact, that I wanted to be the girl everyone loved, the one everyone thought was beautiful, graceful and perfect. What was I thinking?! I honestly can’t tell you. But, I know if I had a chance, I’d tell my younger self, “Don’t ever feel bad about yourself, for not being that ideal girl.” That girl does not exist. Never will. It doesn’t matter how much plastic surgery or how much make up you can put on your face. That ideal perfect girl is different from person to person. So, let me ask, “Who does it matter most in this world to you, who thought you were that perfect girl?” My answer was everyone. But, now I know the real answer to that question. What mattered the most, is that “perfect” girl was “perfect” in my eyes. It mattered most to me. (I remembered in one of my last posts I’d said stop using the word, perfect! Breaking the rules, aren’t I? ^^;;;;) I wanted to look at myself in the morning and not hate everything wrong with myself. I wanted to truly believe I looked beautiful. Not to my family. Not to my friends. Not to all the random passers-by I come across all day. Just me. It’s all I wanted to see when I thought of how I looked. Yet, even now, I don’t truly believe I’m beautiful. Working on it, but I’m not looking for pity! Instead, I’m letting my insecurities be my greatest strength. So, I don’t feel beautiful every freaking moment of my day. Pish-posh!!! That’s only natural! But, I don’t let it stop me for being me! I may have hated every fiber of my being when I was younger. But, honestly, that pain I felt back then, it made me that much stronger. Sounds a little sappy, I know, but I think that pain I experienced is the very reason I can wake up and face the world, over and over again. It’s alright to sit and cry and complain and be hurt, but I just suck it all up and keep going. That pain won’t last forever and those people who’ve judged you and made you feel worthless aren’t always going to be there. But, as for yourself, you are kinda stuck with, well–you! Ultimately, it’s your choice to let yourself feel like shit, or ugly, or fat, or something I have been called as a youth, useless. Make the choice, to live to be happy. Be sad for however long you need, but then go out there and be enthusiastic and do something you want to accomplish in life! Get away from the social media world! Which is a bit hypocritical because if you are reading this, then this post could be potentially stopping you from doing that. But, just go back to the analog days. Get lost! Don’t use GPS and find your way. Either by driving around or by walking, say, on a hike. Rent a book from your local library and actually read it! Plant your favorite plant by your windowsill and watch it grow and flourish! Donate your old clothes and flush out your closet to make space for new fashion items. What I mean is, there is so much in this world than what is immediately around you! Yes, looking good is important! Feeling good about the way your body looks, is that much more important. But, what no one ever thinks about is the way you get there. It’s always about the destination not so much about the progression.

Couple of months back, I was watching a video on YouTube about how a girl who had lost a lot of weight in less than a month. With my curiosity piqued, I watched the video and to my horror about how she managed to lose the pounds. She had used herbal supplements in order to not feel hungry, hence she was not eating and/or barely eating. While I don’t condone her actions, what made me upset is that she is telling other girls/women to do this too. Girls who were in their preteens were asking her if they were too young to start using these supplements! I was enraged, so I flagged her video and reported her. But to no avail, the video remains. I didn’t understand why a beauty guru would tell others individuals to do this!!! I can justify her just doing this to herself but not to others watching her video. While I may be upset about this, I can totally understand why she did it. I’ve thought of doing the same in the past, so who am I to judge. But, I thought to myself, “She is such a beautiful girl! Why does she have to do it this way!?” This is probably why I was so upset. It makes me sad because I’d picture one of my close friends doing this and it breaks my heart. It really hits home for me, when my family members are going through the same thing.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

But, why make yourself feel so miserable? That’s when I finally learned, “[That] no one can you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s true, you’re in control even though you may think at the time you aren’t. Don’t let yourself feel miserable because of others around you. Just yesterday, I was listening in about Human Ken and Human Barbie and their wonderful transformations. Human Ken, IRL named Justin Jedlica had several procedures done, with pecs implants being one of them. But, he mentioned that someone had commented, that this pecs look amazing, but his arms were not up to par. From that one comment, he went ahead and had plastic surgery to make his arms more defined and masculine. I thought to myself, “Did he want surgery for himself or because he wanted to look beautiful in the eyes of those around him?” It circles back to when I had the desire to be that perfect girl everyone was in love with. It’s such a vicious cycle that I can completely understand why anyone would want to have plastic surgery. Hell! Even I considered it at one point in my life. But, where do you cross the line!? That’s the big question. In my opinion, this type of OCD behavior with self-image is detrimental to your health when it stops you from living your life naturally. I’m not going to say normally because what can you really consider normal? That’s a whole entire story in itself. Point is, if you don’t look a certain way would you not leave your house, to go to say, school or work? When it becomes such a major focus in your life, I believe that’s when it’s too much. I know you’re going to ask how I am qualified to say anything about this. I’m not, though I do a lot of research and have close friends in the medical field. But, this is basically just my opinion, anyway. It’s up to you if you want to listen or not. But, it makes sense, no? I don’t have anything against plastic surgery, but when is it going to be enough just to boost your image and make you happier? If it does make you much happier then, props to you! But, then why do people keep going to get more and more plastic surgery done? When is enough, enough?

A blog entry like this may get a lot of buzz probably more negative than positive but I think it would be a great discussion topic. Do you agree with me? Or do you not agree with me at all?

Thank you for reading, I hope you look forward to more from us! ^^

18 Things Women Shouldn’t Have To Justify

A blog post every woman should read

Thought Catalog

1. Putting themselves first. When Barbara Walters asked Michelle Obama if it were selfish that she openly makes herself her first priority she responded: “No, no, it’s practical…. a lot of times we just slip pretty low on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for my girls is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.”

2. How little or much they’re eating, especially if it’s “unhealthy.” You can eat a big lunch without having to say “I haven’t eaten anything all day” or have some delicious ass nachos without saying “I totally deserve this, I was so good this week, I’ll start the diet again tomorrow.” More importantly, you shouldn’t have to always be interrogated with “that’s all you’re having?” or “you’re going to eat all that?!”

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